Secondarily A Christ Follower?

Teen Challenge from Tucson.

The service this morning held an interesting question for me. Teen Challenge of Tucson came down and sang a couple songs, and the leader had a short sermon prepared as well. Anyways, one particular statement really struck me.

Is your identity based in your talents/possessions/relationships or in Christ?

Which led me to another line of thought... Am I a Christ-follower first and artist second? Or vice versa? If I am being honest, it is usually first an artist and second a Christ-follower.

I have a lot of confidence in my abilities. I know what I can do, and I know I can do it well. I don't think this is always a bad thing, but I do certainly think it can become a bad thing.

Oftentimes, I want God to show me what I can do for Him, how I can serve through the things I know, how I can use my abilities to touch lives. I want the game plan so I can get it done, because I know I have the ability to.

And that is just the problem. Where is God at work if I already am able to accomplish it all on my own? When do I learn to trust if I can handle all of my situations with ease? How do I learn to step out in faith if I can just do what I set out to do solely by my own willpower?

It's a comfort zone of mine. I know my talents and abilities, and I do believe God gave them to me for a reason... but I have a tendency to lean only on the things I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I cannot fail at. I want to serve God... my way.

I need to be pushed out of my comfort zone. It's comfortable to sit in my home painting a picture for someone. I cannot fail at that. But God wants me for more than just doing good things in my own power. He wants me to perform miracles, to change lives. He wants me to speak his word, to make an impact. Perhaps a part of that will come through art, I don't doubt that it will... But a larger part of me fears that I will be taken from where I'm comfortable and thrown into a situation I can't handle on my own, be called to pray for things that are impossible, asked to accomplish tasks that must be divinely orchestrated in order to succeed.

I need to step out into living by faith, and leaning on God's power rather than my own strength. Instead of focusing on how great I am, looking to Jesus for my validation and strength. I am not sure yet how this will play out, but I can feel a change is coming in some form. I only pray that I will be ready when my comfort zone is gone and I can do nothing but lean on Jesus.

Perceptions and Dreams

Reading through some old poetry... this from 2010. Even truer now than when I wrote it.

***

Weird how our heart plays tricks on our mind
What we thought that we wanted changed over time

The one that you liked not too long ago
Turned out not to be the one that you know

Strange when we think we know what we want
Turns to something different, brought to the front

The one that you thought you could not like at all
Turns out to be the best one of all

What really is important to me?
Finding the answer, that is the key

What I think I want may not be on God's mind
I find my preferences change over time

Perceptions and daydreams shattered by truth
It doesn't hurt quite as much as I had assumed

How can it be what I wanted so bad
Seems not so important as previously had?

Goals

Goal: Make this dress.

Next: Find a man.

Then: Learn to dance. 

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

An Amazing Man

I had something of an epiphany the other day. It shouldn't have been so surprising to me, but it was.

If you want to marry an amazing Christian man, BE an amazing Christian woman.

The thought hit me in the gut, and though I wanted to ignore it, it pushed itself into my mind until I consented to consider it. There are many qualities I desire for my hypothetical future husband, but less often do I consider whether I truly seek those same qualities out in myself. Am I the sort of Christian that I hope to marry?

I want to marry a man who never settles for mediocrity, who always seeks out new ways to grow in Christ, to reach out, and to minister to others. Do I settle for mediocrity, or do I always seek out new ways to grow in Christ, to reach out, and to minister to others?

I want to marry a man willing to sacrifice for others. Am I willing to sacrifice for others?

I want to marry a man who always thinks of others, and is compassionate toward all. Do I always think of others and am I compassionate toward all?

I want to marry a man who is dedicated to daily scripture reading/study and prayer. Am I dedicated to daily scripture reading and prayer?

I want to marry a man with a heart burning for the lost and broken in the world. Does my heart burn for the lost and broken of the world?

I want to marry a man willing to give up everything to follow the call of God. Am I willing to give up everything to follow the call of God?

I want to marry a man who is helpful, giving, and loves everyone. Am I helpful, giving, and loving toward everyone?

I want to marry a man who will shun the lusts of the flesh and instead cling to God for strength in weakness. Do I shun the lusts of the flesh and instead cling to God for strength in weakness?

This is less of a lesson in “who do I want to marry” and more a lesson of “am I settling for just plateauing in my Christian life, or am I constantly pushing for greater heights?” Too often, I get comfortable in my flat plane of life. I slack off a little here, a little there.

It's no big deal.

But isn't it? Certainly, I believe that constantly growing in Christ is the goal, the ideal... but how often do I really take it to heart and make it a personal goal? How often do I desire in my own life the things I so desire to see in the life of a future spouse? Unfortunately, far less than I should.

If you want to marry an amazing Christian man, BE an amazing Christian woman.

If you never marry, BE an amazing Christian woman.

If you do nothing else in life, BE an amazing Christian woman!

That is the goal. 

That is my goal.

Tell Me

Tell me, tell me

I whisper to the sun

Tell me your secrets

Of happiness, of fun

Give me your heart

Your love for the day

Show me how to love

How to care, a way

Whisper your sweetness

Into my heart

Show me your dreams

Make me a part

Tell me, tell me

Again I cry

Give me your wings

Help me to fly

I fall so fast

Down to the ground

Crazy, as I

Keep spinning around

Hope of tomorrow

Ever before

Perhaps I will be

All I dream and more

Tell me, tell me

Once more I plead

How to grow happiness

Where is the seed?

Is it afar

A journey apart?

Or is it within

Deep in my heart?

Perhaps you shall find it

The sun whispers back

If only you'll search for

The strength that you lack

Uncontrollable

I hate not having control. I hate having to sit back and watch others make decisions and live destructively, and there is nothing I can do about it.

I hate the feeling of helplessness, of desperately wanting to make the situation right again, but there is nothing... nothing that can be done.

I hate watching the impending reaping of wrong decisions, waiting for the blow that will take the situation beyond anyone's control.

I hate seeing those I love be hurt, especially the ones too young and innocent to do anything. They have no voice. I have no voice.

It's situations like this when I'm reminded how necessary, how needed prayer is. There is nothing I CAN do, but pray.

Lord, help me to be strong in prayer, when there is nothing else I can be.

Hair!

So... I decided to bleach my hair! Well, part of it. I was just getting bored with the solid brown, but I did NOT want to cut it, because I absolutely love the length. So I decided to do some bleach, and get some fabulous contrast. So here are some pictures!
 

Up in braids. I love this!

Up in a "Katniss braid", except a french braid rather than dutch.

Black and white.

I looooove it! :D And I have been keeping a very close watch on the moisture levels, making sure the bleached part doesn't get too dry. It's been pretty awesome so far!