John 8:36 - So if the Son makes you free, you will be truly free.

Galatians 5:1 - We have freedom now, because Christ made us free. So stand strong. Do not change and go back into the slavery of the law.

This is my journey.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

The Girl I Used To Be


The daydreams of a past captured in a sight, a smell, a song.

A whimsical child, a melancholy teen, memories of a life that is no more.

The person I used to be, the dreams I dreamt and lives I imagined.

One song brings it all back. A flood of emotions, memories, daydreams. A writer, an artist, a singer. Sunsets, rooftop musings. The summer days she swam alone, the deep blue sky so near, a wind rustling the cottonwood leaves.

Those years, I was someone else. Someone different than I am now.

But am I so different?

That girl. Her dreams for the future, her love for her family, her desire to say something worth saying. Is she so far from what I am now?

She imagined worlds, worlds where she could be anything, do anything. Some she read about, others she created and wrote down herself. The things she wanted to do, to say, to share with others in what she wrote.

If only she could capture on paper and canvas what she wanted to say in her mind. The scenes she wanted to paint, the pictures she would share with the world. The possibilities seemed endless, her imagination a bottomless pit of inspiration.

Life seemed so easy then, so full of potential. And it was.

Before the realities set in, before responsibilities become the norm.

Can part of that innocence be captured, put in a capsule, brought out again when life seems to become too much to bear? Can those dreams be dreamt again, and imaginings brought to life?

There is no backward button, only forward, marching solidly with time. That person, that girl, she is captured in a moment. A moment impossible to get back.

For a moment, for a song, I relived that girl. I dreamed her dreams and felt what she felt. I knew her emotions, the moments the song brought to the forefront. She was real.

That girl was me.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011



We all make them. Arguments, breakups, forgetfulness.


We all have it. Something we did, something we said, somewhere we went, someone we hurt.

How much of us is our past? How much of our past is part of our present? Should a mistake made once haunt us forever? A mistake made twice, or three times?

I have hurt and been hurt. I have done things I regret, more than I can count. Other people have said words to me that I know they regret, just as I have regretted my own.

Is it possible to move forward? To let the past be the past, and the mistakes therein not project into the future?

Everyone's mistakes are different, and not all mistakes are noticeable as such right away. Sometimes hindsight reveals what we could have done better, what we should have said differently, what we wish we hadn't done, in light of the future.

I only know one thing. I will not be ruled by my mistakes. They are done. I will apologize if any situation requires it, then hopefully move forward.

Are my mistakes a part of me? Yes.

Do they define me?


Saturday, June 18, 2011

Life Update

So life has been interesting lately. Babysitting, attempting to set up a business, painting, writing, engaging in online discussions, working on a relationship...

But it's good. :-) Each day unique, each moment a treasure. Finding people to work for is not quite so simple as it may sound... especially when one has no name made for themselves. But I figure... SOMEBODY managed to do it (in fact many somebodies!), why not me?

Art, on the other hand, I don't really know what to do with. I haven't been feeling inspired at all. There are some things you can just push through with and finish, but generally, in my experience, painting/drawing without inspiration leads to Very Bad Art. :-D

Writing is... coming. :-D Though I am *planning* on having "Enchanted Rose" finished and self-published by Dec. 1, 2011. You can see updates for that on my writing blog:

I'm also thinking about revamping my Etsy... adding more -different- products to it. Stuff like crocheted blankets, painted plates, repainted dolls, greeting cards, etc. What do you think?

So that's my life at the moment... busy, but mostly busy inside my cranium. And it's good. Fun, tiring, exciting! Life.